BETWEEN A CROSSROAD AND A CROSSFIRE

BETWEEN A CROSSROAD AND A CROSSFIRE

By Mae Verano

New Tinder Message: Musician with short curly hair and an easy smile.

I swear, I had no intentions of actually going out, but then she asked if I’d like to go to Kelley Park. No drinks or dinner, no meeting downtown – just a simple walk at sunset. Having given up on dating due to the number of people “new to the area” and “wanting to be shown around the city,” I was pleasantly surprised.

“New Tinder Message..”

She was the first person I dated from San José, let alone from the East Side. We had both been living outside of California for a few years and were now both back in San José, in the closet, living with our deeply Catholic families. We understood the risks we were taking by dating. This community has not always been the kindest when it comes to people like us. Yet there we were – driving around town, sneaking kisses in parking lots, and talking about how much we love our city and how much it hurt to watch it be gentrified. She told me, “I’ve always loved my city, but I’ve never gotten to enjoy it with another person from here.”

“She was the first person I dated from San José, let alone from the East Side.”

Coming out has constantly felt like a zero sum game. The threat of familial rejection and housing insecurity convinced me there was no way I could come out while living at home in San José. But dating someone who knew where I come from, who understood the place that raised me, brought me a joy I did not know was possible. It’s a different kind of intimacy, sharing a hometown with another queer person.

“Coming out has constantly felt like a zero sum game.”